had me at hello.
I don’t have a lot of friends, just a handful of them but am never close to any one of them. There’s this particular quality in me that resists being too involved with people. There’s only one person I let myself get close to and that’s Tim. I guess I am quite insecure. I need to know that I am truly accepted and loved for who I am in order to really be myself with them. With Tim, I am warm, generous, understanding, funny and quirky. But I am sarcastic, bitter, rude, unreasonable and cruel to him whenever I’m mad or in one of my moods. I don’t know who can truly accept me for who I am besides Tim. There’s always a need to be nice to people which is quite hypocritical. Then there’s the question why must I feel loved and accepted before I can be myself. Why do I care so much about what people think? I shouldn’t. People should learn how to manage their own self esteem and never inhibit anyone else. And there are people who are really not worth my attention. All in all, I think I am too free. That’s why I think so much. I need to fill up my life doing my things. Like studying, house work, yoga, dancing, painting, ukulele and soon, singing. This is good. I have everything going well so far. Except my studying. Gonna work on it after my stomach is taken care of. I should live by this mantra - Be better than yesterday. I stopped living by it.